


World's Worst Kidnapper

by BreeTaylor



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF, Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: AU, Kidnapping, M/M, Prompt Fic, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-18
Updated: 2013-08-18
Packaged: 2017-12-23 21:49:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/931453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BreeTaylor/pseuds/BreeTaylor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray gets kidnapped, if that’s what you could even call it that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	World's Worst Kidnapper

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: AU where Ray gets kidnapped and instead of the guy doing evil kidnapper things they go out and get McFlurrys at McDonalds.

Ray should’ve known that something would go wrong. A new job he’d actually enjoy with awesome people, a new apartment that would normally be way out of his price range, and a new city that’s crime rates were a heck of a lot lower than New York? It was too much positivity; too many good things happening all at once. So of course he’d be one of the fucking two people in Austin that got kidnapped.

His walk to work was a grand total of five minutes long, and he had _almost_ made it to the building when an arm came across his shoulders, another pressing hard against his mouth to stop the scream that had bubbled up in his throat on instinct. His attacker—who Ray gathered to be a man that was a fair bit taller than him, but not all that strong—began pulling him back, whispering in his ear as he did.

“I have a gun, okay, so shut up.” He hissed, but his voice quickly lost the hostility as he began muttering to himself, “Well, I don’t have it _right_ this second, but it’s in the car. I _will_ have a gun. Fuck, just… just shut up.”

Partially out of amusement, but mostly out of utter confusion, Ray listened. It wasn’t until he was turned around and shoved into a (admittedly nice) car that he got a look at his kidnapper, who was pulling a seatbelt across him. He had brown hair that was long enough to be a complete mess, and he was dressed in a baggy brown hoodie with equally baggy camo shorts that looked like they might’ve been actual pants at some point.

“Don’t think about moving, kid.” He said simply before the door was slammed in his face. Ray looked around the car briefly, noting the fancy technology that signified how new it was, along with the gun. Sitting on the driver’s seat. Whoever this guy was, he was potentially the worst kidnapper ever. Still, Ray didn’t have quiet enough time to get there first, and he was mid-reach when the driver door opened. The guy paused for a millisecond before lunging forward and snatching it. He slid quickly into the car, muttering to himself about being ‘stupid’.

He pointed the gun towards Ray, who sucked in a breath and pressed himself farther against the car door. “Don’t try anything, okay? I don’t want to shoot you.” He put the gun in his lap and started his car, pulling away from the sidewalk and driving right past Ray’s office. He couldn’t help but feel sad knowing that, if he got home somehow, he likely wouldn’t have a job.

“Why are you going this?” Ray asked after a while. He made sure to keep his voice quiet, but steady. He didn’t know if this lunatic would be okay with talking and he really did not want a bullet to enter his general vicinity.

The man looked at him briefly, and then back to the highway. “Why does it matter?”

“Well if I’m going to be held at gunpoint, I would generally like to know why.” Ray bit his tongue as soon as the words left his lips, cursing his sarcastic comeback tendency once again. However, Joel didn’t freak out like Ray was expecting. Instead, he let out a short bark of laughter.

“You’re either really stupid, or really brave.”

“Eh, I think I’m a bit of both.” Ray shot back. He still felt like he was going to get his balls shot off, but he’d rather try and keep the guy amused, “Fucking New York, right?”

“You’re from New York?”

Ray’s brain was going a mile a minute as he remembered everything he’d ever seen anywhere in regards to kidnapping. Everyone always said to make yourself human, so maybe talking about his life would do it. “Yeah, I just moved to Austin actually. I was on my way to my first day at my new job.” He watched closely to see remorse pass over the man’s face, and he could’ve fist-pumped the air when he all but crumpled.

“Jesus, seriously?”

“Yeah, it’s a great company. Really cool people, y’know?” Ray forced a laugh, “Better than working at a bar in New York.”

The man gripped the steering wheel tighter, “Whatever, the job isn’t going anywhere.” Ray opened his mouth to speak, but he cut him off, “No, just shut up now.”

They drove in silence for a while longer, staying on the highway. He was speeding, and Ray desperately hoped that a cop would show up. Not that they ever did, but hope was about the only thing he had right then. From the look on the man’s face, he was having some sort of internal battle. He kept frowning and shaking his head and gritting his teeth. Ray may’ve had his conversation cut short, but at least the guy seemed to be affected by it.

They were coming up to an exit, and at the last possible second, the car jerked to the right. Ray grabbed onto his door by reflex, glancing over at the man with wide eyes, but too afraid to ask. Moments later, the man jerked the car into a McDonalds. He pulled into a parking spot at the back of the restaurant, out of view from most people, and held the gun to Ray’s temple, the cool metal pressing into his burning skin.

“We’re going in the restaurant. I’m bringing the gun. When we get in there, you’re going to act like we’re just friends, or I swear to God I will shoot you.” Ray swallowed thickly, nodding. “Good. There better not be any tricks, kid.”

“Ray.” He replied weakly.

“What?”

“If you want us to look like friends, you might want to know my name.”

“Ray?” He asked, Ray nodded in confirmation. “Joel.” Nothing else was said as they got out of the car, Ray watching as Joel tucked the gun into the back of his pants. He took a deep breath, steadying himself, and walked into the restaurant with him.

“Hello, welcome to McDonalds!” The perky brunette behind the counter said as Joel walked up to the counter of the almost empty restaurant, “What can I get for you today?”

“I’ll have a cookie dough McFlurry.” He turned to Ray, a look in his eyes that said to play along, “What’d you like, Ray?”

“The same.” He smiled, proud at how steady his voice was in comparison to the shaking hands behind his back.

“Great!” The waitress punched their order in and read the total to Joel, who handed over a credit card. Ray tried to get a look at the last name, but all he caught was an “N” at the end. “I’ll whip those right up for you two!”

Once they each had an ice cream in hand, Joel led them to booth in the far back corner of the restaurant, out of view of mostly everything. Ray sat across from him, as directed, but looked apprehensively at the already melting ice cream. “You can eat it. It’s not like it’s poisoned.”

Ray shook his head. “You can have it.”

“I bought it for you, just fucking eat it.”

Ray nodded and took a spoonful. The ice cream was strangely comforting, and cookie dough _was_ his favorite. They were silent again, Joel obviously back inside his own head, and Ray not really willing to try talking again. Instead he studied him more, because if he got away somehow he would have to have a good profile for the police.

The guy looked tired. He had bags under his eyes, and the more Ray looked at his hair the more it looked like it was messy because he spent time tugging at it. At the same time, he looked surprisingly… normal. Ray didn’t really know what he expected in a kidnapper, but the guy looked just like every other guy. Facial hair that was just barely more than stubble, freckles that only showed if you were really looking, creases in the corners of his eyes from smiling… even dimples.

“I’m sorry,” Joel said, startling Ray out of his thoughts.

“W-what?”

“I’m sorry. For kidnapping you.” Joel sighed, running a hand through his hair (and proving Ray’s theory right), “I’ll take you home, and you can file a police report if you want.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m an idiot.” He stabbed his spoon into his ice cream, “I’m a fucking idiot.”

“No, I mean why did you do it, in the first place?”

“I don’t know, a lot of reasons I guess.”

“Look, dude. You kidnapped me. The least you could do is explain a bit.”

Joel sighed again, “I lost my job; I lost my girlfriend; I’m lonely, I was tired of the same shit every day.”

“Why me?” Ray shook his head, “Fuck, why _kidnapping_? Ever heard of, I don’t fucking know, a vacation?”

Joel shrugged, “You looked approachable. Nice, I guess.”

“So you decided to… kidnap me.” He raised an eyebrow, “Ever heard of just saying hello?”

“You were going to think I was an old creep regardless.”

“I would’ve found it a hell of a lot less creepy if you said hello.”

“It was a fucking midlife crisis, okay?” Joel all but shouted. The girl who helped them looked over, so he leaned closer, “I fucked up. I made a huge fucking mistake, and I knew that as soon as I had grabbed you,” He hissed, “But I had already done it. I didn’t know what else to do. I _still_ don’t know what I’m doing.”

Ray looked down at his ice cream, which had already mostly melted, and made a really stupid decision. He held a hand out over the table. “Hi. My name is Ray Narvaez Jr., it’s nice to meet you.”

“What?” Joel stared down at his hand quizzically, “What are you doing.”

“Look, Joel. What you did was pretty fucked up. What I’m doing right now is possibly more fucked up, but I feel sorry for you. So we’re starting fresh.”

“You’re kidding.” When Ray didn’t make any move to take back his hand, Joel shook it and hesitantly responded. “Joel. Joel Heyman.”

“Hah. Heyman.” Ray snorted, “Hey, man.” He giggled at his own joke, but Joel was still staring at him.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m giving a stranger who made a mistake a second chance.” Ray shrugged, “I mean yolo, right?”

“I still have a gun. Use that word again, and I will not hesitate in shooting you?”

“What, yolo? Dude, that’s my catchphrase.”

“You’re kidding.”

“No way, yolo is deep shit.” Ray joked, “I mean, we _do_ only live once. It’s fucking true.”

Joel stared at him blankly for a minute and then, for the first time, Ray heard him _truly_ laugh. Joel’s smile in itself was amazing, dimples showing themselves more in his cheeks, but his laugh was better. When he laughed, he didn’t look tired or worn. “I don’t get you, kid.”

“Well that makes two of us.” Ray attempted another spoonful of his ice cream, but all he got was liquid with a couple gross-looking cookie dough blobs. “Hey, if you wouldn’t mind, could we go back now? I really am supposed to be at my first day of work.”

Joel’s face dropped, “Oh, right. Sure.”

“I’m not going to say anything, Joel.”

“What?”

“I’m not going to tell anyone. It’s in the past, alright?” Ray shrugged, “From what I can tell, you’ve never done anything like this before, and I’m hoping you won’t do it again. So whatever, water under the bridge.”

“Seriously?”

“Well, are you going to do it again?”

Joel’s response was immediate, “No.”

“Great. Buy me another ice cream, and we’re square.”

* * *

Ray didn’t tell anyone about Joel. Well, not about the almost-kidnapping. He did, however, tell them about Joel Heyman, his newly found friend. Amazingly, when Joel dropped him off at Rooster Teeth, Burnie just assumed he’d had some sort of problem and didn’t penalize him for being three hours late. In fact, overall everything seemed to work out. If anything, it aided him. He and Joel ended up getting along great, which meant that Ray knew someone in the city and didn’t have to worry about being scrutinized for his tendency to enjoy staying at home over going out, or the fact he didn’t drink.

Okay, well, maybe Joel found that bit a little strange, but that’s just because Joel liked alcohol. A lot. Regardless, their Friday night gaming sessions quickly turned into multiple nights, until they were almost inseparable. Soon enough, people started asking where they met, and while Ray always got amusement in it, it always made Joel uncomfortable.

A grand total of four months after they met, Joel finally manned up and admitted his slightly-more-than-platonic feelings towards their relationship, regarding in some unexpected changes in it. Overall, Ray was happy he got himself kidnapped by the world’s worst kidnapper. 


End file.
